


the closet door

by HEARTBROKEN



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean, Coming Out, Coming out of the Closet, Gen, because he wants to, dean is not forced to come out, dean is really coming out, no "omg dean there is a guy in ur bed!!1! r u gay??/", this is written as mostly therapy for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 09:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7166327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HEARTBROKEN/pseuds/HEARTBROKEN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean comes out to Sam, which is probably the scariest thing that he's ever had to do in his whole life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the closet door

**Author's Note:**

> this is dedicated to anyone in the closet, who feels like screaming because of it. hopefully this helps you as much as it helps me ! (:

It was time.

Dean was fed up, mostly with himself. About two years ago, Dean looked into a mirror (a broken one at that), and said out loud that he was bisexual. That he liked guys too. That sometimes he thinks that Cas is cute. He's slept with men since then, obviously hiding it from Sam. He liked it, he really did like it. While he was a top and bottoming scared the hell out of him, he was still bisexual. He was sure of it. He'd always really known he was bisexual, but he was too scared to admit it until later recently

And today was the day that he told Sam.

He had to do it today. He really did. Today was the day that he did it, he needed to. He couldn't keep lying to Sam. Well, to be fair he wasn't lying, he just wasn't telling him everything. Either way, it felt like a stone on his chest. He wanted to get rid of it. He wanted to be free. Maybe he wasn't ready to freely talk about the cute bartender serving them, but he wanted Sam to know that he was thinking it. He didn't want to have to sneak around with a guy; he didn't want to offend people like that anymore. He couldn't take it.

Cas already knew. Cas knew everything. He only knew because of this one time where Dean looked like he was beating himself up and nothing was going wrong in their life. And Cas can usually tell whenever anyone's lying. So Dean had to tell him the truth, that he felt bad for leaving Dylan, the guy from the night before, while he was asleep. He wrote a note with his number attached. Because truly, it was one of the best sexual experiences that Dean has ever had, and he _really_ wanted to have a round two in the morning, but Sam always woke up at like 6:00 in the morning and he needed to be soundly in his own bed, not smelling like sex, and 5:30. He'd felt particularly bad about it this time, and Cas asked.

So, now Cas knew about everything. Cas was the first person that he's ever told. It was quite awkward for Dean, primarily because he wasn't quite ready to tell Cas yet, but now he's glad that Cas knows. He was very supportive and helped Dean hide his male-friends who spend the night. And now, he was by his side as he approached Sam.

It was a Tuesday. A rainy, overcast, ugly one at that. It would start storming at 4:00 that afternoon, but they didn't know that yet. Dean woke up at 6:17, starting his day with a shower. He put on his clothes and exited his room, walking to his car to go get breakfast. He bought some bagels, and then returned home. Sam was just getting out of bed when he returned, at 7:09.

"Sleep well?" Dean asked, setting the bagels down on the table.

Sam nodded back at him in response as he picked one up and sat down, beginning to eat it. "Yeah, had a few weird dreams. Nothing too weird though.

Dean nodded, sitting down at the table and nibbling away at his bagel. He was nervous. Now specifically was not the time, Cas was still on his was and there's no way in _hell_ that he was doing this alone, so he would wait.

Cas arrived at around noon. Sam was surprised, but happy to see the angel. His greeting hug to Dean was a little longer than usual, but Sam didn't notice it was quite comforting.

The three decided to go out for lunch. They ate at a local-small-town diner, yellow walls, booths falling apart, the works. They chatted away about the last case Sam and Dean worked, and Cas talked about his recent adventures. Heaven seemed peaceful, calm. Hell was in order. Nothing was threatening the end of the world, so they just talked away like normal people. Well, technically, werewolves aren't typically normal, but it was to them.

They got back midday and Sam turned his attention to his laptop. Cas was encouraging Dean, supporting him in every way he could. It helped calm Dean's nerves a little, but every bit helped.

Dean's head was swimming with thoughts. Thoughts like, _"Sam isn't homophobic, right?" "He won't reject me, of course he wouldn't. With what we've been through? No." "But what if something changes?" "What if Sam sees me differently?" "What if Sam never jokes about my sex life again?" "What if he tells everyone?" "What if he doesn't believe me?" "What if he already knows?" "What if he's bi too?" "What if he just shrugs it off, like it wasn't a big deal?"_

It was 2:55. Dean sat down across from Sam, Cas by his side. They both waited for Sam to wrap up whatever he was doing, or at least find a stopping point so they could talk.

Sixty seconds had passed and Sam hadn't looked at them yet, so Castiel cleared his throat in order to try to get his attention. Sam looked up, seemingly just noticing Cas and Dean. "Oh, hang on. Give me like three seconds."

Cas leaned back in his chair, and looked at Dean. Dean's hands were shaking. He was nervous. This was the man who wasn't even nervous when he was dying, but he was scared to tell his brother that he liked boys too. Dean returned Cas' gaze, Cas nodding and smiling at him for support. Dean nervously smiled back.

"What's going on?" Sam asked, shutting his laptop and turning to the two.

Dean swallowed, hard. "Sammy, I have to tell you something."

Sam furrowed his eyebrows. "What is it? You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Dean looked down; taking the deepest breath he'd ever taken and looked back up at his brother. "I know Sammy, but this one's big."

Sam smiled reassuringly. "That's okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"Dean," Cas interjected. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?" He looked into Dean's eyes, searching his eyes and his soul for an answer.

"I'm beyond ready, Cas." Dean reassured.

Dean looked at his brother, closing his eyes as he started.

"Sam, I have to tell you something. And what I am telling you, I have known all my life, but I didn't really accept it until a few years back. Please, don't change how you think about me; don't be awkward about it please. I'm not joking; I'm being completely honest, okay?"

Sam nodded, moving his hands closer to Dean's on the table. He didn't say anything, just waited for his brother to continue.

Dean closed his eyes. It was now, this was happening now. He had to tell Sam. He had to. Better now than never, or in twenty years. Then Sam might get mad. So, he took a deep breath, and got it over with. "Sam, I'm bisexual."

The room got silent. So quiet that Dean was afraid that they could hear the bomb going off inside of him with every heartbeat. His vein's felt like white noise and he was on the verge of having a panic attack, or crying, but he concealed it all too well, or so he thought.

Sam could visually see how difficult it was for Dean to say this. He could see the walls crashing down behind his eyes, he could practically hear it. All the while, his eyes popped, but he quickly returned his face back to what it was before. Cas was watching the two of them intently, trying to decide who was going to say something first.

"Wow." Sam said, not really breaking their eye contact.

This was probably the most nervous that Sam has ever seen his brother. So vulnerable like this, he was shaking he was so nervous. "Yeah," Dean said back, his voice shaking and unsteady, even though he only said one word.

"You've known for... two years now? And you're just telling me? Have you had sex with guys?"

Dean nodded, slowly. He couldn't speak anymore. His throat had run dry.

"Dean, I get why you were scared to tell me, lots of people have troubles with coming to terms with their sexuality and coming out of the closet. But Dean, you're my family. Nothing is ever going to change that. It's you and me, and it always has been. There's nothing that's ever going to change the fact that you're my big brother. You don't have to hide from me, okay Dean? Never."

Dean nodded, his eyes watering more and more by the second. Castiel watched the scene playing out in front of him, Sam standing up and walking over to Dean's side of the table, Dean standing up and falling into Sam's embrace, his eyes slightly spilling over and the tears running down his face. "Thank you." He whispered into Sam' ear. Cas got up and put his arms around the two, in attempt to comfort Dean.

In reality, Sam could not have reacted any better. He didn't just shrug it off like it was nothing, because it wasn't. This meant everything to Dean. And he didn't overreact either. He didn't freak out and act like Dean was a completely new person. Dean's sex life was simply a part of him, it didn't consume it. If Dean wanted to fuck boys too, so be it.

Dean knows that not everyone is as lucky to have a brother who would react like this. Some people have it hard, whoever it is that they're telling freaks out and treats them like a different person. Some people act like they told them the weather for the next week. Sam did neither of those and Dean was damn grateful.

Sam pulled away, looking at Dean still. "So, Cas knew before me?"

"He told me because he had to. I sort of made him." Cas said.

Dean laughed. "Oh, that's fine. I'm glad you knew, buddy."

Sam smiled, looking at Dean again. He seemed to be calming down. Actually, he was calming down. This was probably one of the hardest things that he'll ever have to do, and he's fine now. Sam felt inexplicably proud of his brother for going through with all of this, for facing his fear. For coming out to him, which must've been scarier than all of the monsters that they hunt.

**Author's Note:**

> this was written mostly for me, as a way to relieve some of my tension. i'm pansexual and i haven't told any of my friends yet, and as dean said in this fic, it feels like a rock pressing down on my chest. i hope you all enjoyed this (:


End file.
